the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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