Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
