I hate your face
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
