forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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