dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
