You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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