But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
