found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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