I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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