I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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