im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
