why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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