all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
