I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
