Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We had sex on a dog bed..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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