my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
