1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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