Porn is love you can see.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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