Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
