his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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