i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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