Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
