I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
