Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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