Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
