You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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