dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
