i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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