You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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