Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
