i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.