So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
