We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
