We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
