I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
