he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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