You smell like stripper and shame
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
