My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
