How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You can't special order awesome
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
