He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
