There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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