Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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