Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Where is the hickey?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
