His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
