I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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