He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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