why didn't you poke me back
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
