So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
