is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
