Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
