Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
