you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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