you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE