I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?