I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.