I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE