in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
