I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Boobs speak an international language.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.