standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
