your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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