Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
