If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
