i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
