If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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