my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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