either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
