Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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