You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
where are my eyebrows?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
