By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
