she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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