Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
