dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
