Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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