In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
